There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
