Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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