Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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