you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
