the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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