Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We left the knife in your bed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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