I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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