Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
