And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
