They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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