he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
