if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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