I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
