Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
