i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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