I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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