He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
