just come out here and I will go home with you...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
