I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
