Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
