the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
