My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
