i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.