i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sobbing to NWA
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
