So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”