If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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