Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you

(1-636): View more from Missouri

when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced

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(636): dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you (1-636): when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced http://tfl.nu/5nrz

Replies (5) Good night (1918) Bad night (1129)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.

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(503): I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink. http://tfl.nu/0fnk

Replies (114) Good night (3945) Bad night (736)
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(312): View more from Illinois

you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?

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(312): you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were? http://tfl.nu/ge77

Replies (40) Good night (725) Bad night (3331)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.

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(508): just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life. http://tfl.nu/x7zq

Replies (13) Good night (4118) Bad night (932)
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(516): View more from New York

theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...

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(516): theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again... http://tfl.nu/q6mz

Replies (15) Good night (1263) Bad night (3078)
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(415): View more from California

I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

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(415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu

Replies (11) Good night (8211) Bad night (1273)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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(763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40

Replies (35) Good night (2009) Bad night (8801)
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(703): View more from Virginia

She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.

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(703): She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman. http://tfl.nu/z41q

Replies (15) Good night (7310) Bad night (1021)
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(207): View more from Maine

Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

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(207): Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk. http://tfl.nu/4vbt

Replies (4) Good night (1831) Bad night (649)
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(409): View more from Texas

My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.

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(409): My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty. http://tfl.nu/rx6s

Replies (2) Good night (909) Bad night (426)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.

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(503): Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high. http://tfl.nu/n3hc

Replies (8) Good night (773) Bad night (457)
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(925): View more from California

So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever

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(925): So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever http://tfl.nu/x5gy

Replies (2) Good night (405) Bad night (743)
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(602): View more from Arizona

We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.

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(602): We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening. http://tfl.nu/4cd0

Replies (9) Good night (967) Bad night (499)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes

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(717): I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes http://tfl.nu/2tcj

Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (160)
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(208): View more from Idaho

he had hair everywhere except his balls

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(208): he had hair everywhere except his balls http://tfl.nu/i1j7

Replies (2) Good night (155) Bad night (328)

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