i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love having hate sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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