those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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