Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
