I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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