I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
