yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
