FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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