The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
