i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize