In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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