God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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