Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
