I think I died a long time ago.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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