Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
