I heard we made out
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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