maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
God, I missed his penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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