Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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