I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Enjoy the penises
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
