I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
