I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
