does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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