dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
