so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
