Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
