Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
