She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
