and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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