Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
