This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
