Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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