You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
