He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
