put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
