ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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