I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We need to get me chipped asap
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
