I just pynch a tree in the face
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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