Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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