Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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