A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
