I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
