I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
