I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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