I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
