I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
