my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
