Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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