My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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