just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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