I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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