So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
im on a boat
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