that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
