The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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