Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
