they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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