i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize