Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
