I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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