Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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