whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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