i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
