I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.