Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.