oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!