am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
