Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,

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  (203): these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them, http://tfl.nu/bifo
  Replies (13) Good night (969) Bad night (3518)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.

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  (303): If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed. http://tfl.nu/n5xo
  Replies (9) Good night (3392) Bad night (865)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping

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  (401): and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping http://tfl.nu/w61z
  Replies (18) Good night (1179) Bad night (5011)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.

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  (440): he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went. http://tfl.nu/izjf
  Replies (37) Good night (1365) Bad night (5894)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

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  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9621) Bad night (1536)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (9507) Bad night (1601)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (8307) Bad night (1126)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way

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  (203): He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way http://tfl.nu/eve3
  Replies (9) Good night (2612) Bad night (1126)
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  (951): View more from California

  DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness

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  (951): DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness http://tfl.nu/qa2j
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (566)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto

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  (215): i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto http://tfl.nu/4zou
  Replies (6) Good night (536) Bad night (845)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect

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  (518): I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect http://tfl.nu/1a0b
  Replies (3) Good night (364) Bad night (575)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yup

  (936): View more from Texas

  I love us.

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  (936): Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn? (832): Yup (936): I love us. http://tfl.nu/6mn5
  Replies (2) Good night (818) Bad night (363)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them

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  (917): She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them http://tfl.nu/qyhd
  Replies (13) Good night (485) Bad night (802)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.

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  (902): I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants. http://tfl.nu/7sqj
  Replies (0) Good night (680) Bad night (316)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  That is a dream.

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  (201): I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks. (201): That is a dream. http://tfl.nu/at19
  Replies (0) Good night (333) Bad night (146)

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