I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me