**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he wants to bone in the snuggie
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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