im holly from the hills drunk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
