Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  What the fuck?

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  (406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4
  Replies (48) Good night (2143) Bad night (8820)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.

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  (347): Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes. http://tfl.nu/qm7s
  Replies (12) Good night (2506) Bad night (1468)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life

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  (203): chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life http://tfl.nu/2ek4
  Replies (12) Good night (902) Bad night (6130)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.

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  (614): I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision. http://tfl.nu/xp34
  Replies (7) Good night (4194) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (+35): View more from

  I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.

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  (+35): I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/jeai
  Replies (7) Good night (2388) Bad night (784)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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  (318): I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye http://tfl.nu/xi6q
  Replies (6) Good night (2578) Bad night (759)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.

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  (817): It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila. http://tfl.nu/g1g0
  Replies (5) Good night (1537) Bad night (589)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.

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  (231): It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2ez8
  Replies (9) Good night (546) Bad night (1565)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.

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  (239): Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance. http://tfl.nu/mqe0
  Replies (10) Good night (948) Bad night (539)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.

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  (304): I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over. http://tfl.nu/9s58
  Replies (5) Good night (661) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.

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  (407): At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long. http://tfl.nu/ssq5
  Replies (8) Good night (575) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.

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  (708): State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted. http://tfl.nu/x7uk
  Replies (3) Good night (414) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly

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  (907): Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly http://tfl.nu/1xxm
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it

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  (607): I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it http://tfl.nu/h8wz
  Replies (2) Good night (576) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then

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  (860): You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island (1-860): Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then http://tfl.nu/u0l8
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (165)

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