my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I could make wine with my vomit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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