He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You work out of a Hotel?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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