This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
