sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
