did you get engaged???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
