I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
