I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
